My 4th of July Weekend and a Gay Nightclub?

It was a typical July 4th weekend as my wife of less than one year and I headed out to the Jersey Shore/Asbury Park to stay with friends we usually stay with every year. They have a lovely old English Tudor home that I've often dreamed of being able afford to buy one day. The house has become a home-away-from-home and a relaxing retreat for my wife and I thanks in part to our generous hosts and dear friends who live on and own the property.

We ate good that weekend; until we couldn't eat anymore, as they say. We walked around the Asbury Park area enjoying window shopping and strolls on the boardwalk. Great weather too for everyone to enjoy.

Our gracious hosts took us to our favorite restaurant in Asbury Park, Moonstruck. The food was amazing. Good wine and good fun. As we completed our dinner and did our usual fighting over the check, I heard someone mention we were going out to drinks afterwards in town. I was definitely game. The night was too good and I didn't want it to end. Somehow however, we ended up somewhere I didn't expect nor had a chance to prepare myself for.

Suddenly we were standing online to get into the popular Paradise Night Club, a notorious Gay nightspot. Still smiling from the effects of the 2 or 3 glasses of wine I had at dinner not too long before, I went along with it not really taking in what I was about to do. I put out my arms, was checked by a scanner and let in with my wife and our two close friends; lovely partners who own the Tudor home we stayed in all weekend I mentioned earlier.

This club was pretty cool by the looks of it - - part of a hotel with balconies overlooking a gorgeous pool and a bar outside and a large dance club inside.  We made our way through the crowds of mostly young gay men (most wearing tank tops and sporting a clean haircut and a beard and smiling) until we got to the open and less crowded pool area as one of our friends went to get us drinks. I tried very hard not to make any eye contact with anyone. I was trying hard not to let anyone know how awkward I felt.  This was my first experience in a gay nightclub (and I don't think our hosts who brought us there knew that).

Our drinks came and I nervously drank about half of mine as quick as I could. It was starting to set in. I was in my first Gay nightclub and my wife and I were most likely the only heterosexuals there.

As the time passed we took a few fun semi-drunken selfie photos by the pool and began to head over into the actual dance club part which was getting more crowded as the night went on (as any club would). That "awkward stage" I was going through was in full effect and a feeling of anger and betrayal began to take over my emotions - but I dare not show it.

Why was I feeling betrayed? Where was this anger coming from? I wasn't having that bad a time and it wasn't THAT weird; just, in fact, like any other club I've ever been to (in my hay day).

But why didn't our friends say something before we were brought there? Why didn't they make sure I would be comfortable in such an atmosphere first? All they had to do was ask, right? It wasn't until we were there almost an hour at the club and my slightly tipsy and adorable wife was begging me to dance on the dance floor with her, that one of our friends leaned over to me and pointed out some of the heterosexual couples there, explaining that the club has such a good reputation that it's usually filled with at least one quarter heterosexual folks.Wow. Was that supposed to make me feel more comfortable now? An hour later?

Why did he wait so long to try and make me feel comfortable? (It was at this point that I wondered if my feelings were showing on my face.) Was it my almost unwillingness to dance with my slightly inebriated wife that made it more obvious? Or was it simply their sweet and caring nature of always making us feel comfortable whenever we go to visit the Jersey Shore that was simply shining through at the moment?

Whatever the reason I was feeling angrier by the minute...and then, I had a moment; an epiphany of sorts.

Everything seemed to slow down into almost slow motion at the club. I suddenly realized I was in a Gay night club so much like the one in Orlando only weeks after the mass shooting there. I had avoided (at all cost) making eye contact with anyone there at the club all night and suddenly found myself looking up and looking around. I became brave. What I discovered when I looked around were people, just like me, of maybe a different sexual orientation than mine though, all having a blast; dancing to the DJ like it was 1999. Two women, two guys, dancing together, what's the difference? I thought. Everyone was having SUCH a good time. I began to become overcome with emotion as I knew this was exactly what happened in the moments before a deranged shooter took the lives of so many innocent party goers that tragic night. This what they were experiencing in those minutes before those horrific moments. Perhaps by fate, or on purpose, my sometimes homophobic tough-guy self from Brooklyn was there experiencing this for a REASON. I was experiencing the good part of that fateful night as all those innocent people did while at the same time (forcibly perhaps) coming to grips with my own homophobia in a way that combined sadness, empathy and anger totally unscripted or planned. Maybe that's the best kind of therapy. We say we all eat, all take a crap, all dance to the same beat and now I understand it even more because of this experience. Life is a constant learning opportunity filled with new opportunities perhaps predestined for our journey (or put there by God). 

We are all capable of learning and growing especially when it comes to tolerance and respect for race, gender and sexuality. I guess it takes moments like these to help us learn and grow.